I Wish I Could Cry
by RainbowPuppetBoy
Summary: Mello returns to take back that picture Near has. Spoilers for episode 30. Onesided Near/Mello. Angsty Fluff.


: **SPOILERS!! **:  
There are spoilers in here for Episode 30 and Chapters 76/77. Don't know anything about this episode/chapters, then don't read it! D:

: **Disclaimer **:  
I don't own Mello, Near, Rester, Lidner, Kira, L, or Gevanni. All the characters in this fanfiction belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.  
Really. D: Death Note doesn't belong to me at all. Really. I'll bathe and return them when I'm finished!

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**I Wish I Could Cry**

Again and again, he'd look at those monitors. All those brain dizzying monitors. But he'd always look at one in particular before closely studying all the others.  
The entrance to the SPK headquarters. The hallway that one would have to take to get to that room. Every time the albino boy looked at that monitor, he prayed he'd see the blond male walking down that narrow hallway.But every time that he did look… Empty. The hall was empty.

If only he hadn't always been perfect. If only he could have failed at _something._ If only…If only Mello would _look_ at him. Not that cold glare that he'd always received, no… He had always wanted the blond to _look_ at him.

His pale fingers continued to play with that old puzzle of his. The white one with the "L" insignia in the top left corner. The old one that he played with at Whammy's.With a soft sigh the boy stood, putting his puzzle away, deciding that he needed something better to do, something else to occupy his mind. "Commander Rester…" He said softly, gaining the blond man's attention. "My train set, please."

--

He set up the tracks around himself, making a spiral way up and then down. Putting the small battery-operated train cars on the track, Near turned it on, watching the train going around and around on the tracks. His mind had just begun to go quiet, barely beginning to go numb when…

"Near!" Rester pulled the boy from his thoughts again, but this time Near wasn't unhappy about the interruption.  
He looked to the monitors and…  
There he was. The one that Near had been waiting for. He would have smiled had it not been for the fact that Mello had Miss Lidner at gun-point.  
"What should we do?" Rester questioned, looking to the boy sitting with his train-set.

Without missing a beat Near issued his next order, "Let them in."

The door slid open with a soft gliding noise. Near knew that both Rester and Gevanni had their guns out and pointed at the two blonds that had entered the room. The albino didn't turn around at all. He didn't want Mello to see his faults; to see the emotion that he knew he would show if he saw the blond now.

He stayed seated in the middle of his circular train-track, watching the train go around. Again and again.

He could hear their footsteps coming closer. "Mello, welcome." He stated in his usual tone. Near was…so tempted to say 'welcome home'. But he knew that this was not Mello's home, and he knew that Mello wouldn't feel welcome at all.

"Drop your gun!" Rester shouted suddenly as he and Gevanni held their guns at up, ready to shoot Mello if he tried anything funny.

Violence was never the answer. It was a meaningless action that got nothing accomplished. He didn't want any bloodshed. "Everyone, please drop your guns." He said softly, watching the train roll past him on it's track, "There's no point in bloodshed here."

Gevanni didn't like that idea, "But, he _killed_ our allies!" He argued, still not putting his gun down.

The boy on the floor frowned slightly, disliking this very much. "Don't make me repeat myself." He said, keeping his tone the same calm and stoic that it always was. He turned his head slightly in Gevanni's direction, "Our objective here is to catch Kira. We'll gain nothing from killing Mello." Not only would it get nothing done, but killing Mello…Near didn't want to think about that.

After a slight hesitation Rester lowered his weapon, "Understood." He finally said. Gevanni slowly followed his elder's actions.

Near felt his heart skip a beat as Mello began to speak. His voice was deeper than it had been when he'd left Whammy's House. Near was so tempted…so tempted to turn and look upon the face that voice belonged to. "Near, everything has gone just as you thought, hasn't it?"

"Yes," He responded, still not turning around, "You've heard about the second L, haven't you?" Near paused a moment. When Mello didn't respond he continued, "Thanks to all the things Mello did," He spoke as if Mello weren't even in the room, "we where able to put pressure on Kira."

That statement seemed to make Mello angry, as Near then heard the blond cock his gun and hold it up. **"Near!"** He shouted at the albino boy.  
At that simple action, both Rester and Gevanni rose their guns yet again, ready to shoot.  
"I'm not a tool for you to use to solve your puzzle!" Mello said, his tone dangerous.

Near, still sitting motionless, kept his cool. He knew that Mello would shoot, and if that was what Mello wanted…then so be it. "Mello, if you want to shoot me, then shoot." He challenged.

_Anything for Mello._

He could hear the pressure being put on the trigger and mentally braced himself for the bullet to embed itself within his body.

A sound behind him and then, "Mello! If you shoot Near, we'll shoot you." Linder had stepped in and grabbed Mello's gun, "If you both die here, what's the point? Only Kira would be happy with that." Her voice was desperate, as if begging the older male not to shoot.

"Fine." Mello said after stepping away from the three SPK members, "Near, I came to take back the picture you have of me."

"Right. There's one picture. No copies have been made." Near said, reaching into his chest pocket and pulling the photo from it. He always kept it there, close to his heart.  
He was just about as obsessed with Mello as the blond was obsessed with him. How very…fitting…  
"Anything at Whammy's House that had your face has been disposed of." He explained, holding the picture out for Mello to see, his own grey eyes studying the picture and what he'd written on the back, keeping his gaze away from the real Mello. He then turned the photograph and threw it, like one of his playing cards, to the blond. "I can't say with absolute certainty, but you shouldn't be able to be killed with the notebook."

_Dear Mello..._

"That's the only business you have here, right Mello?" Near spoke up again, hoping that the answer was "no". Hoping that Mello did have other business there, though his face gave none of those hopes away. He kept a stoic face, still staring at his train going around and around.

"Near…" Mello said, his expression hard, "I have no intention of helping you."

"I know that." Near said, his heart sinking at the thought of Mello walking out of his life again.

"However…" The blond male began, "I owe you for returning my picture."

Near turned his head slightly, in the direction of Mello's voice, curious as to what Mello would be giving him as payment for returning the photograph.

"The murderer's notebook belongs to a Shinigami." No…no more about this horrible Kira, "You can see it if you've touched the notebook." He continued to explain.  
Wait. Shinigami? Being able to see it…if you've touched the notebook? But that was--

His thought was interrupted by Rester speaking again, "That's nonsense!"  
"Who would believe such a thing?" Gevanni cut in as well.

"I believe it." Near said, speaking over Gevanni. Both men paused a moment to look at the small boy, who continued to speak, "Mello has no reason to lie. If he wanted to lie, he would've come up with something better, so he must be telling the truth."Mello wouldn't lie about something like this. This was too important to be joking around.

"The notebook I acquired," Mello continued, "was once owned by someone other than the Shinigami. Also, one of the rules written in it was a lie."  
Near turned very slightly to look towards the taller blond male."That's as much as I'm going to tell you." Mello finished before turning and walking away slowly.

Near frowned, he didn't want Mello to leave again. He didn't want--

He nearly stopped breathing when he heard the other's voice again. "Near…"  
"Mello…" Near responded, lifting a hand to twist his hair between his fingers. He heard the_ snap _of Mello's chocolate. A familiar sound.

"Which one of us will reach Kira first?" The blond questioned, challenging Near.

Near didn't want another competition, but…_anything for Mello_. He let a slight smirk cross his pale lips, "It's a race, huh?"

"Our goal is the same. …I'll be waiting for you."

Near smiled to himself at the thought of Mello waiting for him at the finish-line.  
_Waiting for him._

"Understood." He said, his voice not giving away the fact that he smiling.

And with those last words, Mello walked away. Forever.

The smile faded.

And Near knew…  
He knew…That was to be the last time that he would ever see Mello.  
Sure he'd been watching the train, but Near was known to be able to watch more than one thing at a time. But, the whole time, the albino boy had been watching a monitor. One of the many monitors. He watched himself, but his eyes remained solely on the blonde.

This was one of the rarest of times…one of those times that Near wished he knew how to cry.

But he didn't.

So there were no tears shed. No emotions shown. Just another emotion for him to bottle up.

"Good bye, Mello." He said, his voice soft as he stared up at the monitors. And the last three words where mouthed, **_: I love you. :_**

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Hooray! Angsty fluff!  
..' Ugh. I was bored, so I wrote this up, just for the sake of writing _something_!

I hope you all like it! OwO


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